All is well! No changes!

Admittedly, I haven’t kept up on my blogging.  For those possibly wondering, there’s been no changes in my condition.  That’s the really good news!  No new lesions, no growth as my condition is stable.

As far the psychopath that was in my life 6 years ago, I’m sure there’s been no changes.  He’s likely just as focused on himself as he ever was and his current victim is likely quite miserable.  That’s her problem.  These people never change as their brains are hardwired wrong.  He’s as big a phony as he ever was.  I don’t keep up on him,  nor do have I any interest in doing so.

At 71+, the old devil is surely not long for this world with his diabetes and cardiovascular disease, but even if he was, it’s of no consequence to me.  My life is full with love and family.

The Journey Begins

It is true! Most people who have not experienced cancer themselves or don’t have a loved one with it, know very little about cancer. Why should we? We feel no need to know when we’re ok.

My journey with cancer began when I’d bought some new bras, and was trying them on after I got home. Smoothing the bra down around my breasts, I was suddenly struck by something unusual – I felt a small hardness about the size of a pea on the right outer lower quadrant of my right breast. I panicked! Did I really feel that? Yes, I did! Fortunately, despite my denial of this reality I had an annual exam coming up soon, and an appointment for it was already made.

Quickly, it became the size of a grape, and then a walnut, then a golf ball. It turned out to be NON-cancerous papilloma. https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/have-i-got-breast-cancer/benign-breast-conditions/intraductal-papilloma.

But it flagged me as potentially having breast cancer since it is often a companion to it. The first needle core biopsy was negative, the second biopsy confirmed my cancer, as invasive ductal carcinoma, stage 1 at 8mm (about the size of a dime or your thumbnail).

They got it all they said. No spread! Yea! Nodes negative. I was in the clear or so I was told! 5+ years later, it had spread to my left iliac wing – stage 4 Advanced bone mets cancer. Who knew? Not me! Very little pain, and most of the time, I’m okay.; But for how long? The journey continues!

How Much Longer do I have?

My how life changes and can turn on a dime! I used to read blogs and books on narcissism and psychopathy. These days, its blogs and forums on cancer. I’m learning so much. One of early mags I came across is located at:http://www.curetoday.com/. Tons of useful information!

It’s hard not to wonder at times with Stage 4 bone mets (breast) cancer how much longer do I have? The answer is nobody knows! As long as it stays confined to my bones, I could last years and years with a high quality of life.

I’ve just been reading of long term survivors who have been living with it for 17, 12 and 23 years respectively. http://www.curetoday.com/…/hope-in-the-face-of-death-living…

That’s pretty darn good IMO. I could live to the age of 90! Cool! I’m just ornery enough to do it too! LOL.

When my cancer journey began in 2010, I thought, well, let’s whack that breast off, and get on with the business of living! Caught very early, (primary site was only about the size of a dime or your thumbnail @ 8mm.) All went well, and everything seemed very promising.

Then 5 years later, I found out nature was saying “Not so fast there! You’re not done yet!” Okay. So let’s see how it goes! I am intrigued by this new journey of bone mets (breast) cancer.

There are times now I could almost forget having cancer (Stage 4 Bone Mets)

It’s an amazing thing when it comes to my prognosis. There are times now I could almost forget having cancer (Stage 4 Bone Mets)… with my pain meds and the radiation therapy, I’m happy to say that most of the pain I earlier experienced is gone! I’m increasingly enjoying a normal life doing much as I did before all this.

I’m getting in and out of vehicles, off and on my bed with just a little discomfort here and there. I take care of myself on all my personal needs, going shopping, and enjoying the absence of pain! That’s the big thing!

No longer relying on things like my walker, or cane, or my step stool quite as heavily as I used to do. Oh sometimes, yes, the cane and stool comes in handy, and I admit I rather like using the motorized carts in the grocery store to get around… but life is feeling rather good these days. For now, things seem to be stabilized and under control.

I do take comfort that I’m considered relatively low risk in the positive aspects of my having cancer…slow growing, localized, all vital organs still healthy and normal…but a great indicator of longevity is that there was a LONG period between my original breast cancer diagnosis at 5+ years and the diagnosis of bone mets cancer. Outstanding!

Not much to tell, and that’s a very good thing! Hope all is well with you too!

 

Life Can turn on a Dime! From Good Health To Dealing With Cancer!

No time or energy to be wasting either thinking about the ever shallow and boring Psycho Boy, especially with a much better man in my life and a family to care for.  Or dealing with one of those unexpected curve balls life has a way of throwing your way when you least expect it.

Recently hospitalized and diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer – you come face to face with your own mortality and realize how fast life can turn on a dime.  But sometimes good things happen too!

GOOD NEWS!   Now that all the tests have been completed and analyzed, there are some very good aspects of it that leave something to smile about and even celebrate!

First and foremost:  The Tumor is SLOW-GROWING AND LOCALIZED. No vital organs are involved, all are healthy and functioning!  Outlook looks good.

It is a metastasized breast cancer lesion that has NOT SPREAD!  What it is, a failure of the arimidex (anastrozole) I was on for 5 years.  I developed an immunity to the drug, so the mets (metastasized) breast cancer cells grew undetected for 5 years.  New meds, and there will be radiation treatments but NO CHEMO!

The radiation treatments will be to shrink the tumor and restore mobility to me as well as reducing pain. So, it looks like at this writing, I’ll be around for quite a while yet.  Cheers Everybody!

Days of Wonder – Days of Pain

CANCER OR NOT? Thank you everyone for the all the good wishes. So what’s the story? you might be wondering. Wednesday afternoon after leaving HQ, I was suddenly gripped by acute and severe hip pain to the point, I could barely walk with great difficulty.

I finally got home, called my doctor’s office, and spoke with his nurse. At first she suggested going to their Urgent Care unit. But suddenly the pain was so bad, I burst out bawling like a baby from the pain.

Then she said I should go to the Emergency unit at the local hospital where they have all the necessary equipment. At first, I thought maybe i had pulled a groin muscle or something simple. I never imagined what was to come!

They sent me for a skeletal xray and a CAT scan. To my surprise, they saw a large irregular mass over my left hip area, and admitted me for further testing. A doctor came in and advised me that it looked like what I’d been thinking!

That being a Stage 4 metastatic 5 cm tumor over my hip bone which totally blew me away! CANCER! I have a high aptitude for the medical sciences, so I was plenty scared! (This after just after recently celebrating my 5 year survivorship from early breast cancer. Everything had been going really good for me and I was living a normal life!

They did a PET scan after that, and a more detailed skeletal scan from head to toe, with a biopsy also scheduled. The PET showed, that the tumor was localized and restricted to my hip groin area….there was no evidence of spread, and all my organs were clean, and normal! I see this as significant that such a large tumor had not invaded any organs indicating possible benign (meaning NO CANCER!) I’m hoping anyway! YEA!

Yesterday, they were finally able to get me in for the biopsy. Not just one sample was taken, but several, and it was painful despite sedation! Results are not expected until later on next week. (After Christmas). So, now I have several days ahead of virtual uncertainly. Is it or is it not cancer? Stay tuned! You now know as much as I do! I am cautiously optimistic!

Every Disgusting, Self-Centered AP Cliche Ever

The truth of how things really are in the corrupt world of adoption.

Adopto-Snark

can be found in this article, which the snurchin will entitle Adoption Fills Gaping Hole in Already-Reasonably-Complete Fort Collins Family Ye Gods How They Must Have Suffered! It’s an oldie (June 2015) about a couple who adopted the man’s cousin’s baby.

Cliche 1) APs are selfless, which is why the cost of their charity is your child. Mary and Kevin only wanted to help a woman in need: The couple began talking about how they could help Lexa — a two-time leukemia survivor with dreams of becoming a nurse — raise a child and still attend college in the fall. I swear to you I am not making this up.

2) Relinquishing mothers (like all women in our society) are either virgins or sluts. In this case, the mother is innocent rather than sinful because she is  related to Kevin, the much-smarter adoptive father): “She was a great kid…

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Psychopathy and the Way Forward

Five years ago, I was in a very bad place.  I had been worked over by a psychopath, and I had a lot of healing to do after having been unceremoniously dumped.  So, I had started a blog to that effect. I was also furious because after the fact –  I found out he’d been hunting for my replacement on a dating site Match.com, and he found her!  In time,  I did indeed heal. Today, I’m strong, healthy, and happy!  Well, I could always a use a little more money, but who couldn’t?  LOL.

I am grateful in that I had not been abused as badly as many of psychopathic victims out there.  I’ve seen the growth on the Internet of many other blogs covering the subject.  I had gotten in apparently on the ground floor, and I was able to share much of what I had experienced at the psychopath’s hands!  But I’m no expert on the subject, and since then, many other bloggers more expert than myself have stepped forward to share their knowledge.  I greatly admire so many of them!

Fortunately, I did not have all that much to offer other than myself to the psychopath, and he was never able to isolate me from my family.  Cancer even stepped in to stop me from moving in with him!  Who would have guessed that CANCER could actually SAVE your life?  But save it did, as these people do not do sick partners well.

But Surprise!  Surprise!  The psychopath’s flying monkey minions followed me everywhere to further taunt and victimize me further into silence!  As other bloggers have noted, and I’ve seen too, they do not seem to be people of high or even necessarily average intelligence or much courage, preferring to do their master’s dirty work often anonymously as gang-stalkers.

I’ve also had occasion to see psychopath abuse forums start out with the best of intentions and dissolve into cliques, with moderators and administrators waging war on victims needing help and support.  It’s a sad thing when you have to withdraw your support of them when you see them moving in unwise directions.

In five years, I have reached the point, where I often find the whole subject of psychopathy boring, and my ex psychopath to be the most boring being on the planet.  Everything about him now, I find extremely shallow and boring!

But no bitching or complaining here. Since then I’ve reconnected with an old love, and it bears no resemblance whatsoever to an abusive, toxic one.  Our courtship is moving extremely slowly.  It took us over 7 months to get around to a first date in over 45 years apart!   No sex or passion yet.  But anything could happen is my motto!  He’s 64 and I’m 66, but I do get lots of randy ideas, so I know I’m very much among the living!  LOL.

For now, we’re like two old friends getting to know each other again!  We spend time together and catch up what’s been going on.  Other than sometimes holding hands, we haven’t even kissed!  Dull, I’m sure most would find!  That’s alright with me.  I like it!  We have yet to discuss the future, or even if there will be one.  We’re in no rush..  It’s like unpeeling an onion, layer by layer, and enjoying each discovery.  This to me, is how a right and proper relationship should proceed on the way forward.

I’m excited.  I don’t care about psycho boy anymore or even give him much thought.  His flying monkey minions are welcome to him!   So can his OW (my replacement), who can provide him with a nicer home and lifestyle than I can.  That’s alright!   It really, truly is!

Today, I am free to lead a happy, healthy life free of psychopathic individuals.  Life is good!  I wish all the best for you!